Be a Man.

I’m a dad with two boys. They are in their twenties now, one almost done with college, the other not far behind him. And while I don’t worry about what they have learned about being “a man” means, there’s a whole generation that has me very concerned. After all, what examples are they being given?

Many voters have expressed an interest in the current President because he is a, “man’s man.” I don’t know how to reconcile that with infidelity in all three of his marriages, a documented and elaborate history of lying and coercion, the breaking of contracts, the flagrant and aggressive dedication to revenge against whomever he perceives as an enemy, a very fragile ego, and the visage of a person who does whatever he wants without regard to damage, civility, or consequences.

My father still has a sign in his backyard workshop that reads, “A man is only as good as his word.” This is what I was taught. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Lying is high up on the “Moore boy” no-no list. Doesn’t mean I never did it, or that my boys haven’t lied to me, even to my face. It does mean that we all saw it, and still see it, as a negative, not a tool to let us do whatever we want.

There’s been a lot of coverage of the current President’s appeal to men, and young men in particular. And much of that appeal is based on this idea of reasserting masculinity. But all I see is adolescence. All I see is the kind of immature masculinity that speeds through neighborhoods, acts rude to waitstaff and delights in bullying the weak kid.

It is this same adolescent masculinity that insists on rights, but disdains responsibilities, and inflates the value of the short-term effectiveness of aggression. As Jamelle Bouie notes in his excellent piece on this same subject focused on the CEO of Facebook, “When Zuckerberg speaks of “masculine energy” and “aggression,” he seems to be imagining the “masculinity” of an older teenager or a younger adult. The masculinity of someone unburdened by duty, obligation or real responsibility.”

In very few places in this administration, if any, do we see a modeling of duty or restraint. In fact, the nominees put forth for the highest cabinet positions were men who completely reflected this same predilection towards “machismo,” or women who either capitulated to it or endorsed it fully. We see it meted out in the tech oligarchs who dominate influence with the administration, most completely in the presence and impact of Elon Musk, who displays much of the same adolescent masculinity that the President does, with all the power behind it.

What worries me is the same thing that hits me when I see parents buying a teenage kid a muscle car. Power plus immaturity is a dangerous combo. We’re seeing this lived out in real time. It’s not that going after “waste and fraud” is a bad idea, but HOW you do it matters a lot. And giving power, especially unquestioned, unaccountable power, to people unaccustomed to doing anything but what they want to do is a recipe, as we can see, for disaster.

And, aside from the very real damage to our social infrastructure and political ecosystems, I am deeply concerned what this tells young men about what is acceptable behavior and what it means to “be a man” in this world. The world is only, as far as I can tell, going to face more crisis, more chaos and more complicated problems that will need complicated and nuanced decision making. And yet, we keep pushing into place people who think like they are 14, and act from the same place.

So, let me be a dad for a moment and say a few things unequivocally…

Mercy is a virtue, not a sin.

Compassion is the sign of healthy masculinity, not a weakness.

And “a man” is, indeed, only as good as his word.